Moving from being a couple to being alone
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Coping with a break up

Healing after a broken relationship is difficult. If you were in a long-term relationship or living with your partner, it could mean a change in your lifestyle.

The way you feel depends slightly on whether you’ve been ‘dumped’ or you did the dumping. People who have been through both say that being dumped is much worse – not surprisingly. It’s a blow to your self-esteem. But in either case, it’s not easy.

After you’ve ended your relationship, one big question is whether you can remain friends with your ex. There’s no clear answer to that question. It depends on you, your ex, and how the relationship ended. What worked for your best friend might not work for you, so trust your instincts.

Coping with a break up

Here are some tips on how to cope with your break up:

  • Think about what went wrong, but don't obsess over it. Don't fight your feelings – accept them, and let them out gently. It can be hard to stop thinking about it, but try to take your mind off it as much as you can. Remember that your end goal is to move on. 
  • Meet with friends and share your feelings. There’s no better cure for a broken heart than sharing your feelings with good friends. You can meet and pour your heart out.
  • Get rid of negative emotions. If you still feel angry with your ex a few months after breaking up, remind yourself that it’s in the past now and it's time to let go. Get rid of things that remind you of your partner – things like the gifts they gave you or cards they made. It’s sad, but it can help you move on.
  • Care for yourself. Eat well, sleep well, and take lots of exercise. Do things that make you feel better – like going for a walk in the park or getting together with your family. A little bit of tender loving care goes a long way in the healing process.
  • Get a new hobby. Try learning how to cook or play the piano. Find things to do to fill in spare time. Keeping your mind and body busy is an essential part of healing. You might also meet new people with similar interests when you join a group or club.
  • Be positive. It might sound unbelievable, but it's perfectly possible that you’ll find someone else who’ll love you again.
  • Don’t turn to drink or drugs. Stay away from alcohol and other non-prescription drugs. They’ll do you more harm than help you heal.
  • Watch out for signs of depression. If you think you’re falling into depression, let someone know. Get help. Contact helplines or counsellors. Below is a list that will help you.

Related: Falling Out Of Love

Amani Counselling Centre: 0722626590
Kenya Marriage Counselling: 0721743977
Oasis Counselling Center: 0733366614
Discovery Counselling Services: 0700270983/0721513438

Did you learn something new?


Hi Joy, thank you for reaching out to us. We are so sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. Getting over a breakup can be quite difficult but as the article states it takes time. Give yourself time and try and follow the points given in the article. You will be fine.

Hi Len, 

Yes, if she is only interested in money, she will not stay with you if you do not give her money or gifts. Someone who's only interested in your money will be less interested in you and the relationship if they are not getting the money. There's nothing wrong with taking care of your partner, but if you suspect they are only with you for the material wealth while you want a relationship based on love and affection, this may be a problem. 

Ahmed brian
Thu, 05/13/2021 - 01:14 am
I was in love with my gf but she has left me and she has a new partner i want to move on and forget her but my heart is aching its hard what can o do..please help am in a depression that can kill...she has gone enjoying she doesn't want me back me too i want to move on but my heart...its too heavy to accept..nifanye nini jamani?

Hi Ahmed, 

So sorry for what you are going through. Breakups can be painful and may leave you confused and not sure about how to move on without your partner. However, it is important that you accept that the relationship has ended. This way you will begin to heal. Here is an article that can help you learn hot to deal with a breakup. Coping with a breakup. If you would like to talk to a professional, call 1190 toll free (i.e. for free). 

Hi Abraham, 

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Accepting and healing after a breakup is difficult but it can be done. It is important that you accept that the breakup happened so that you can start healing. Know that the fact that your partner left you does not mean that you cannot find lasting love, you are still deserving of love and you will find it at the right time. For now, focus on your healing. 

Hi Enock, 

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. Dealing with a  breakup is one of the most painful things in a relationship. It is a very bad form of betrayal. The first thing is to have an honest conversation with your wife and tell her about the hurt she has caused through her cheating. Ensure that you give her an ultimatum that if she wants to be with you, she should be faithful. Be honest, with yourself about whether she can change, it could be that she is not ready to change thus you have to decide whether you should leave or stay. Read this article for tips on how to heal: Tips To Recover After Cheating

Hi Tonnie, 

Break the silence! You seem to have grown apart because you lost touch thus the first step would be to get in touch with her. Since you have not been talking, perhaps you can start by finding out what she is up to as a way to start a conversation. If she is not dating anyone, you should express your feelings towards her and see how it works. Read this article to learn more: 9 helpful tips for talking to someone you like. Good luck!

Thu, 08/12/2021 - 03:23 pm
Right now am going through hell, dealing with heartbreak is not a joke, it is 3rd month now and its even worse, am cutting wait daily ,

Hi there, 

So sorry. Breakups can be really hard and it may take a while to move on. It is definitely okay to go through the emotions of breaking up, however, be careful not to get to a point where your mental and physical health is affected. It is clear that your health has been affected by this breakup and this is not a good thing. It is important to talk to someone you trust or a professional about what you are going through. If you need to talk to a counsellor, call 1190 for free and he or she will listen to you and give you advice on how you can handle the situation in a way that doesn't leave you unwell. Wishing you all the best. 

ralphapet vicky
Fri, 08/20/2021 - 02:50 pm
Love a killing machine,i have a girlfriend but i feel like she is playing with my feel plzzz help should i leave her..or not..

Hi Ralphapet, 

What is 'love a killing machine?' I hope you are not planning to kill anyone. If you have such thoughts, call 1190 and talk to a professional for advice. They will listen to you and give you important advice. 

What signs have to see that make you believe that she's playing you? Either way, the decision to stay or leave a relationship depends on you, if you feel that she is not returning your feelings and you are unhappy, by all means, leave the relationship. On the other hand, talk to her and express how you feel, it is always important to have an open and honest conversation with a partner. You may be making wrong conclusions and this means that you will make a big decision with the wrong information. All the best in whatever you decided

Tue, 09/07/2021 - 10:33 am
Hi i have been dating this girl for a while now and recently shes been acting all moody andwhen i told her abt it she said that she isnt ending things untill she has to but she is just thinking whether she wants to be with me or not

Hi Arthurmburu, 

Well, it seems that she is not sure whether she wants to be with you yet. That's fair because it could be that she takes time before making the important decision. However, if you have been dating her for several months, it is only fair that she tell you whether she wants to be with you or not. Do not allow her to waste your time and emotions if she keeps saying that she is not sure about how she feels about you. If she will not make up her mind soon, it is wise for you to pack and go. 

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