Man smoking a white paper joint close up

Breaking up with an addict

My boyfriend is a drug peddler, an alcoholic, and has dreadlocks. But he loves me. I dumped him anyway, because the cons are more than the pros. Did I do the right thing?

Why are you wondering if you did the right thing? Is it because he loved you? Or is it because you have your doubts about deserving better?

Imagine yourself five years from now, in the same relationship, and nothing has changed. He’s still a drunk drug dealer who loves you. Would you be happy? Is this what you want for yourself? Is this what you think you deserve? Is this how you see your future?

I am guessing you will answer ‘no’ to most, if not all, of these questions.

Drugs change people

Relationships are hard enough as it is, but if your partner is struggling with an addiction, and is involved in illegal activities, difficult isn’t strong enough a word to describe the issues you may encounter.
Drugs, and I’m including alcohol, can change a person’s behaviour. Someone who is usually sweet and loving can become cold and cruel when drugs are involved.

Your partner may even become emotionally or physically abusive when drunk or high. That is not only dangerous but you also deserve better and more.

You need to be able to rely on your partner, instead of tip-toeing around them when they are high and hoping that you don’t unintentionally do something to set them off.

Did you do your best?

From your question, I take it you have doubts about your decision. Breaking up with someone who loves you (and who you may still love) is always painful, for both partners. Ask yourself if you have done anything you could have done. Have you told him that the booze is bothering you? Have you suggested he get help and a real job?

If you have tried to explain to him why you can’t be with him, and he still hasn’t tried to make a change, you are better off without him.

When things get hairy…

As for his hair – having a certain hairstyle doesn’t say anything about who your partner is as a person. Imagine someone breaking up with you because your weave isn’t pretty enough, in their eyes.

If his hair had been the only reason that made you decide to break up with him, I’d definitely question your decision.

But I think you made the right choice, for the right reasons.

What would you do if your partner struggled with addiction? Leave a comment below or on Facebook. If you need help with relationship problems, head to our discussion board.


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