A man holding a big broken heart and an angry woman / difficult love and relationship concept / one sided love concept

Relationship trouble: good guy, wrong girl

By Anthony Okoth February 23, 06:00 am
Fiona is in a peculiar situation. She’s torn between preventing a potentially awkward situation and taking a chance on something life-changing. Who will she choose?

'Show me your friends, and I’ll tell you who you are.' I can’t remember where I read that, but I know that time and again, I’ve seen it to be true. My friends are almost carbon copies of myself. We like the same movies, party at the same clubs, moon over the same guys… It’s as scary as it is entertaining. That's not always true, however.

My friend Simone broke up with her boyfriend about seven months ago. I knew him pretty well; Simone would bring him to everything and anything. She was obsessive like that. I thought he was a good guy- a little on the quiet side, but my inquisitiveness ended there. He was Simone’s man, and I’d be damned if I was going to become one of those women who steal their friend’s man.

Piqued interest

About a month before they ended their relationship, he called me and asked me to meet him. As it turns out, he felt like Simone wasn’t happy in the relationship and he wanted advice on what to do. I was impressed; normally guys are oblivious to things like that. Thing is, he didn’t know Simone as well as I did. She has a short attention span, and she didn’t think being with him was fun anymore. I couldn’t tell him that though. He clearly liked her a lot, and I wasn’t going to be the one to crush that.

So they broke up, and Simone moved on to the next fresh thing while he picked himself up. I was in contact with him after the fact, and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He really tried to make it work with Simone, and it was too bad she was the wrong person.

I don’t when, but something strange started to happen. I started falling for him.

He was honest, liked to stay at home instead of partying, and he took relationships seriously. The complete opposite of guys my friends and I seemed to date. It really intrigued me.

The dilemma

Sometimes, the one you love and the one who loves you isn't the same person. This is where my problem started. First, this was my friend’s ex-boyfriend. Being with him would surely cause problems between Simone and me. I couldn’t have sex with him, date him, or even admit that I was hanging out with him without Simone declaring war on me. Secondly, my friends and I are so similar, barring a few details. If it didn’t work out with Simone, why would it work out with me?

The feeling wasn't one-sided though. This guy was interested in me as well. I was tired of relationships that weren’t going anywhere.

What if this was supposed to be the guy with whom I took that next step up with? Was my friendship with Simone really worth giving up the rest of my life?

Would she even care, considering she never really invested in her relationships? I hated the fact that I was in that situation, and that it was my fault. Thankfully, he made the decision easier for me. He didn’t want to have awkward run-ins with Simone or jeopardize my friendship with her. Always the gentleman, he decided it was best to part ways. Still, I wonder if I had encouraged him where I would be today.


Should ex-boy/girlfriends be off limits permanently? Would you date your friend's ex? Write to us on our Facebook pages for Naija and Kenya

Did you learn something new?

If I happen to fully understand the true cause of their separation then I can date her owing to the fact am keen to avert the thing that eated their previous relationship
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